On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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