the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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