he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
