All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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