I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
