Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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