I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
