I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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