Plan B is the new Plan A
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
