my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
