How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
