If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
