Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize