is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
