who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
