Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
