She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
