yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
