I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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