after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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