Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
