Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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