My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
