i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
