she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
