If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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