If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
