we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
