nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
