Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
