His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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