When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
