I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
