I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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