Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
