I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm going to jail i love you
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize