i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
