ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
