Can i not drive my cunt home
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize