this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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