Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
