every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
