You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
