I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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