You just made me feel so damn special
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
