are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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