Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
