he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
