Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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