to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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