Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
