i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
