No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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