I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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