shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
