when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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