i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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