I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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