I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
