I swear she didn't look like that last week.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
