the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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