on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
