Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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