I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
