I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize