girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
