last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
