cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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