Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
they're like a gay fantastic four
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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