hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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