I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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