my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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