he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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