question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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