What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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