Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
