How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
