he puts the penis in happiness.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
