if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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