I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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