Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
