She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
