I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
