I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
