Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
