Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize