I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
