my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize