Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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