i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
