I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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