I understand Curling. That high.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
