I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
